


Pretty Girls and Giant Sweaters

by OkProblematic



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: F/F, girl!Louis, girl!Niall, girl!Zayn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-23
Updated: 2014-06-23
Packaged: 2018-02-05 22:22:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1834300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OkProblematic/pseuds/OkProblematic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall is sad all of the time and she tries to hide it. Zayn is sad too. They meet and well, everybody is still pretty sad. Until they’re not.</p><p>(They totally look like this http://bottombitchboys.tumblr.com/post/58664508113/for-the-fem-ziall-im-writing-this-is-what-the)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pretty Girls and Giant Sweaters

Niall slammed her locker closed and rested her head against it. Louis came up behind her and asked, “Can you come out today, oh princess Nialler?” in some stupid, loud, high-pitched voice.

“No.” was the only answer Louis got aside from a mumbled “’m not a princess.” But it didn’t matter because Louis was being backed into a locker by her much bigger boyfriend, Harry. Niall sighed at her friends antics and poked Harry’s arm until he pulled away to look at her.

“Tell your girlfriend to leave me alone to wallow in my own pity.” And then she was walking away with her head down.

Harry sighed, he remembered when Niall would walk with her head high and laugh so much; when she wore snapbacks and did her hair. He remembered when her too big jerseys always showed her bra off and her shorts were far too short. Now all he sees is a sad broken girl with messy hair and a soft , rare smile; who wore giant sweaters and jeans to hide the scars.

Niall was no longer the girl who loved freely and ate everything, she was a quiet, little thing who didn’t eat nearly enough anymore.

He took Louis’ hand and followed her, “Hey. Niall, you know we’ll never leave, right?”

“’s what you say now.”

“We were here in the beginning and we’re still here.”

“And you still have no idea.” Every day was a struggle for them, they knew what the blonde was feeling but she didn’t think they did; she was probably right.

“At least come out with us?” Lou spoke up quietly for once and Niall sighed.

“I – it’s Friday and I – another time, okay?”

“Alright Nialler, tell Greg we said hey.”

“Yeah. Will do, Lou.”

Niall went straight past her house, not bothering to spare it a glance. She walked straight to the forest and through the trees, her beat up converse barely holding up in the dust.

The blue-eyed girl walked until she found the clearing and then settled herself in the grass. She leaned against the rock in the center and took out her book. Niall sighed as she tossed her hair over her shoulder and opened to a random page to read. She’d read this book a hundred times over and knew she would never really not want to read it again.

Niall relaxed against the giant rock and settled into another world of sorts. She knew she was coming up at the sad part because the pages were water stained in small spots and she found herself adding to that mess. The blonde had to laugh at herself, she cried every time he died,  _every time._

The words in front of her blurred and the ink ran on the pages a bit. Niall tossed her head back and moved her hair away, laughing. She closed the book in her lap and breathed deeply and used the sleeves of her sweater to dry her face.

Here, in the clearing, she could breathe fully and not worry about the rest of the world. It was nice here, though she tended not to dwell on that thought and used her time wisely and read.

She was startled out of her book when she heard grass covered boots walking towards her. Niall looked up to see another girl walking slowly towards her.

 The girl was small, but taller than Niall. She had short, thin black hair and what appeared to be a side cut. Her shirt hung loosely off of her shoulders and her shorts were just a bit too short. Tattoo’s peeked out from under her collarbone and showed slightly on the side of her arm. Niall thought she was quiet different, but she was  _pretty._

There was a small wave and a timid “Hello.”

“Hi.”

“Zack just died?” Niall smiled softly at her.

“Yeah, he did. Gets me every time.” The girl smiled back and it was bright, her tongue pressed to the backs of her teeth.

“Ditto. I’m Zayn.”

“Niall.”

“Can I draw you reading, Niall? I just – yeah?”

“Um. Sure, if you want to?”

Zayn sat right where she was, a few feet away from Niall, and pulled an old, beat-up sketch pad out of her backpack with a slim black pencil. She opened the book and glanced up at Niall. Niall’s cheeks flushed because she was supposed to be reading, but she was staring. The other girl just smiled and began drawing.

They sat in silence for a while before Zayn spoke up, “You can move if you need to. I’m mostly cleaning up lines and stuff now.”

Niall sighed and straightened her legs out, stretching them out; she threw her hair off of her shoulder again and went back to her book, but not before shooting Zayn a small, grateful smile.

—

An hour later, Zayn was standing and walking up to Niall. This time, when Niall looked up she could see Zayn’s gauges and she had her lip pierced; there was a cigarette hanging from her lips and she smiled around it. “Thanks.” Zayn held the picture down so Niall could see it from her spot on the ground and she gasped.

The drawing showed her with her head down, resting on her sleeve and her other hand held the book open. Her legs were bent up close to her chest and you could only see the tops of her shoes in the grass. Zayn had drawn her blonde hair glowing under the sun’s rays and her skin was pale. The colors in the art were vibrant, accurate and  _beautiful._   

“This is amazing, Zayn. Wow. You’re really good!” The tanned girl looked away shyly and her cheeks coloured the slightest bit.

“Thank you.” She spoke quietly and suddenly Niall wondered why she was so reserved so suddenly. Before Niall could ask, Zayn was gathering up her notebook and things and walking away. She seemed to remember something when she turned and said, “I’ll see you around, Niall?”

“Yeah Zayn.” She liked the way Zayn’s name rolled off of her lips and for the first time in a while, she felt warm.

Niall looked at her phone and checked the time. 4:36. She should head home, Greg would have dinner ready soon.

She walked home slowly and thought about dark hair and tanned skin and charcoal stained hands.

—

That night, Niall realized the way she was thinking of Zayn and no, she couldn’t like Zayn. Not like that; it was only setting herself up for failure and she  _couldn’t._  She told herself it was because Zayn was interesting, something new.  _And so what if Zayn was kind of really pretty?_

—

The next morning, Niall finds herself up early and walking to Harry’s house; he was her best friend after all and she figured Louis would be there too.

She doesn’t bother to knock, using the spare key under the purple flowers in the pot (“Not the pink ones, Ni. Never the pink flowers. That’s where  _everybody_ hides their extra key.”) to let herself inside. The blonde finds that Harry is, in fact, still asleep so she walks up to his room, prepared for the worst.

Niall opens to door to see that Harry is alone under his covers so she sneaks in and hits his face with a pillow. He wakes with a groan and opens an eye at her.

“Ni – ? Wha – ?”

“Where’s Lou?”

“N’t here yet. Time’s it?”

“Almost 8. Make me breakfast.” Harry is sitting up quickly at that.

“Shit. She’ll be here soon. C’mon.”

Niall follows him down stairs and doesn’t even blink when Harry is walking in front of her absolutely naked; it’s nothing new. He sets about puttering in the kitchen, making Niall food. She hops up on the counter to watch him with a small smile.

“So. Why are you so happy? Not that it’s a bad thing.” He adds as an afterthought.

“Mm. I thought about some stuff last night. And I think I’ll be alright, for now. I dunno, really.”

“Whatever. ‘s long as you’re hap – “

“Hazza Baby!” He’s cut off as Louis enters the kitchen and Niall wants to laugh, so she does.

Louis looks ridiculous dressed in her white sweater with the blue stripes and bright red skinny jeans. It’s something she wears a lot; she has it for every season.

“Holy shit. Niall’s laughing. Oh my god. What did you do, Harry?!” Niall stops laughing to smile at Louis and she pretends not to notice that she’s smiling wide with her tongue pressed to her teeth like Zayn does. Louis marches up to Harry and kisses him before pulling him down to whisper in his ear, loud enough that Niall can still hear her, “Did she get laid?”

Harry’s laugh is loud and boisterous and Niall laughs with him. “No, Boo Bear. I don’t think she did.”

“No. I didn’t. Unfortunately.”

“So you’ve met someone you want to lay?” Louis looks excited and Niall’s not all that sorry to ruin her fun.

“Mm. Nope. Actually. But that’s a nice idea, yeah?”

“You’re such a little shit. You know that, Nialler?”

“Mm. I do know that. Is breakfast ready?”

“No. Now stop asking.”

“Sorry not sorry.”

She spends the day with Harry and Louis and they actually go out and do things. They’re at some little café eating lunch and she’s watching them be cute and coupley and she  _absolutely_  doesn’t think of how warm she would be pressed up against Zayn sitting at that very table.

—

Niall makes it her mission to forget about Zayn because the darker-haired girl makes her  _feel_  things and she doesn’t like that; can’t have that. She’ll probably never see Zayn again anyways.

Niall is failing her mission, miserably.

—

It’s a while later when she actually does see Zayn again and it shouldn’t be much but it’s  _everything_.

Niall is going to the little antique bookstore across the street from the shitty little music store she works in, hoping to find an old copy of To Kill a Mocking Bird. The store is organized by title so she finds herself walking towards the t’s and pulling her jumper sleeves down so she has sweater paws.

She stops short when she sees a thin, tattooed hand  with chipping black nail polish running along the spines of books because  _that’s Zayn._  There are bits of charcoal staining the hand and the wrist it’s connected to. Niall watches as Zayn leans down to scan a row lower and really, what is she doing?

Zayn’s shirt is completely open on the side and her galaxy bandeau is showing, so is the huge tattoo on her ribs and Niall wants to touch. Long, tanned legs are being shown off in another pair of little shorts and Niall doesn’t know what to do with herself.

She’d already gone back to being all quiet words and soft smiles; her old self only back for the day after she saw Zayn and that wasn’t a good sign.

Zayn looks up then and she freezes at the sight of Niall in her stupidly large black sweater and her stupid patterned black-and-white leggings and her stupid beat up converse. Niall’s own hair falls loosely to the middle of her back and she toys with it while waiting for Zayn to unfreeze.

She does, eventually and she pulls out the book her fingers had landed on and smiles softly. “Hello, Niall.”

“Hi Zayn.” They’re both looking up through their eyelashes and they’re not in second grade but Niall is positive they might be.

Zayn speaks first, “Um.. anything specific you’re looking for..?” She’s looking at Niall with wide eyes and _what even is this girl?_

“I – yeah? Um. To Kill a Mocking Bird?” Zayn’s face lights up and she speaks excitedly.

“Oh! I love that! I just saw it um…” She scans the rows quickly and pulls out a worn book that’s fraying at the edges, “Here. Have you read it before?” Niall’s smile is blinding as she steps closer to take the book from Zayn.

“Yeah. Jus’ wanted a copy of me own. I love it.”

“That’s cool, yeah?”

“Mm.” they stand in silence for a few moments before Niall continues, “So. Zayn, where are you from? I never really see you.” They find themselves walking to a table in the little shop; Niall has her book cradled to her chest and Zayn is trailing a bit behind her, holding her own books.

“We, uh, actually go to the same school?”

“We do?”

“Yeah but I kinda stay hidden? I dunno.”

“Oh. Awesome. Maybe we’ll actually see each other now, huh?”

“Maybe.”

They talk for hours after that. Niall tells Zayn how she’s read almost every classic there is and how she loves to sing. Zayn tells Niall how she started drawing when she was six and how she’s seen her at school a lot before.

“I remember when you used to wear nothing but jerseys and snap backs. You seemed so happy. Are you still happy, Niall?” Zayn’s smile is soft, as are her eyes.

“Yeah, I am,” Niall doesn’t add the  _in this moment with you, “_ I really should go now.” Her cheeks are a bright pink and she’s stumbling around her words. Zayn  _can’t_  make her feel this way. Zayn  _can’t_ say those things.

“Yeah. Okay. See ya ‘round Niall!”

“Bye Zayn.”

Niall pays for her book and hurries out of the shop, heading to Harry’s place.

—

She’s pouting when he opens the door and Louis can be heard yelling in the background. They both raise their eyebrows at each other in question.

“You alright?”

“Yeah, Harry. I’m okay.” She follows Harry inside to find Louis sprawled out on the floor watching Harry walk up to her. Niall follows Harry inside and sits on the couch, tucking her legs under herself.

Louis laughs loud and happy when Harry dives to her side and scoops her up to lay on his lap. Niall’s lip quirks up at the sight of her friends and she finds herself thinking of Zayn. She’s about to comment something about how they’re being saps and shitty friends but Louis mom is yelling,

“Louise William Tomlinson! Get your arse out here!” from the front door as she comes inside to find Harry petting her daughter’s hair from where Louis head is on his chest. Louis looks up with bright blue eyes and her mother’s face softens a bit before she yells, “You have things to do, missy! Get in the car!”

Louis scrambles up and out the door, quickly pressing her lips to Harry’s before she’s gone. Harry sighs and apologizes, “I’m sorry, Mrs. Tomlinson. I didn’t know she had things to do.” She looks pleased with his groveling and smiles as she pats his cheek.

“It’s alright Harry. I’ll be going now.”

“Good bye, Mrs. Tomlinson.”

“Bye, Harry. And for the last time, call me Jay.” And then she’s out the door and leaving in her car with a pouting Louis in the front seat.

Harry turns around and plays the drums on Niall’s knees, “Alright, Talk to me babes.”

“Don’t freak out..Okay?”

“’s Lou’s job, Niall.”

“Right Okay. What do you know about a Zayn?”

“Girl?”

“Hmm.”

“Zayn Malik then? Punky little thing?”

“Yeah. Sounds like her.”

“Well, uh, she used to be pretty loud like you and then she suddenly got kinda quiet and got tattoos and shaved the side of her head and stuff. I dunno really, apparently she’s really chill. Why?”

“Dunno. Just met her, was curious.”

“She’s new, that’s good. But she’s also bad news sometimes? I don’t know, Nialler, she’s into chicks?” Niall smacks his arm and he squeals a bit.

“I just met her!”

“Whatever! She’s hot!”

“I can’t believe you.” Niall is pouting and all seriousness is gone. Harry is smiling at her and there’s a proud sparkle in his eyes.

They end up playing video games and Niall’s kicks ass on FIFA (though Harry won’t even admit to it).

—

Niall is slamming her locker closed again (because it won’t close any other way, but nobody has to know that) when she sees a person to her side. She glances up expecting to see Harry but instead she’s met with a shorter, bulkier boy.

“Uh.. Hi?”

“Hello. Niall, right?”

“Yeah….?”

“Payne. Liam Payne.”

“Nice reference. What’d you need, Liam?”

“Thanks. You know Zayn?”

“Erm, kind of. Why?”

“She’s m’ best friend, mentioned you and so yeah.” Niall nods along and doesn’t really know what to say because  _Zayn_  talked about her to somebody else.

Before she can decide what to actually say, Zayn is coming up behind Liam and throwing herself on his shoulder, “What are you doing, Payne? Hmm?” He turns to her and smiles.

“Talking to Niall.” Zayn’s eyes go wide and she quickly looks over his shoulder to see Niall looking at the two of them with curious eyes.

“Hey Niall.”

“Hi Zayn.” Niall is looking down at her shoes and pretending to kick up dust.

“Finally saw you at school, yeah?”

“Hmm.”

“Hang out with me.”

“What? When?”

“Today. After school. I’ll take you back to my place and we can talk more.” Niall should say no; she just doesn’t  _do_  this. This isn’t how Niall works but she finds herself mumbling a shy,

“Yeah. Okay.”

“Thank you,” Zayn kisses her cheek, “Meet you here!” before walking away and tugging Liam by his wrist. She’s watching Zayn walk away and laugh with Liam when Louis and Harry come up beside her.

“What just happened?”

“I don’t – I don’t know.”

“Nialler. Hang out with us today.”

“Can’t, Lou.”

“And why the hell not?!”

“Zayn.” Louis face shapes into a shit-eating grin before she squeals and her eyes light up.

“ _Oh_. So that’s what was happening.” Harry calms Louis softly and smiles encouragingly at Niall. Niall actually smiles back.

—

Zayn is waiting in front of Niall’s locker later and Niall thinks she could get used to Zayn being around her things. She is smiling softly when she sees Niall, who returns the sentiment.

The blonde moves her bag higher up on her shoulder and walks up to Zayn, “Yeah?”

“Yeah. C’mon.” Niall follows Zayn out to the parking lot and she giggles when she sees Zayn’s car. It’s old and beat up and probably doesn’t run right but it just looks so much like  _Zayn_. The paint is faded and peeling and really, the inside isn’t in much better shape but that’s okay because Zayn actually has a car.

She gets inside and giggles more and she actually sinks down into the seat and Zayn just smiles at her, tongue pressed to the backs of her teeth.

Zayn drives as Niall looks out the window and their hands rest side by side on the center console; not touching just unconscious placement. They head to Zayn’s house, which isn’t far from Niall’s.

In the drive way Zayn’s parks, turns off the car and faces Niall. “Thanks for coming, you know? Not many people would go with somebody they barely knew.”

“Mm. Anytime. I wanna get to know you though. So this works.” Niall doesn’t really know what she’s saying, but Zayn seems pleased so whatever it is must be okay.

They go inside and Niall finds the house is empty, which is cool. Zayn leads Niall up to her room where they sit awkwardly on the bed before Zayn breaks and says,

“God, We’re awkward. You like FIFA?”

“Yeah!”

“Let’s play.” Then Zayn is tossing her a controller and they’re relaxing into the game.

Almost an hour later, Niall finds herself leaning on Zayn’s chest as the older girl leans on her own headboard with the blonde between her legs. Zayn is kicking Niall’s ass and that’s new; Louis and Harry are shit at video games. Niall is laughing and yelling at the screen while the tanned girl watches her fondly.

Zayn laughs when Niall smacks her thigh and yells, “Fuckin’ Hell, Zee! You’re kickin’ me arse!” She can’t really stop herself even when Niall asks, “What’s so funny?!”

Zayn stutters out, “You’re so cute. Oh my – oh my god.”

Niall pouts, “’m not cute. ‘m hardcore. Eat boys and nails for breakfast.” This only makes Zayn laugh harder.

“Whatever you say, bebs.”

—

It becomes sort of a thing then because Niall needed feel  _okay_  again and Zayn, well, she needed the same thing. So really it’s nothing new, per se, when Niall finds herself at Zayn’s door in tears, again.

When Zayn opens the door she doesn’t ask questions like Harry would or yell and freak out like Louis; she just pulls Niall to her chest and into her house. Zayn guides them to her room while Niall soaks her shirt and stains it black with eyeliner.

They collapse on Zayn’s bed and its quiet, only Niall’s shaking breath can be heard. The older girl knows that Niall’s silent cries are the worst; they hurt the most because it means Niall doesn’t even have the strength to make actual sobs.

Eventually, the blonde’s shoulders stop shaking and she’s taking a deep, shuddery breath. She looks up to thank Zayn but when she opens her mouth, she doesn’t know  _how_. Zayn is looking at her with sad eyes because Niall showing up like this is becoming more and more common.

Tanned and tattooed fingers carefully wipe black away from under bright, blue eyes and Zayn’s lips quirk up a bit.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” She knows the answer, but she asks just in case and manages to keep her own voice steady and soft.

“No.” Zayn nods and noses along Niall’s jaw; a silent  _I won’t make you then_.

They fall into silence while Zayn’s studies Niall’s pale cheeks and red eyes and wet lashes.

“You smoke?”

“Used to.”

“You wanna? Cheer you up, yeah?”

“Yeah. Thanks, Zee.” Niall smiles softly and really, what are they doing?

Zayn digs through the drawer next to her bed and pulls out a bag and a blunt she wiggles it around a bit just to see Niall giggle. They close the door and Zayn cracks the window a whole two inches.

“Erm.. Zayn? I don’t think the window is open enough? ‘s gonna get hot in here.”

“Won’t open anymore. Mom locked it like this. You’re wearing a sweater babe, ‘course it’s hot.” Niall looks down to find that she is in fact wearing a jumper and she slips it off without much thought, leaving her in her bra. She looks at Zayn and shrugs and the older girl returns it.

Zayn lights the roach and starts to take a drag when she remembers something so then she’s standing and fumbling with the belt in her jeans. Niall raises an eyebrow at her as she wiggles out of her jeans a bit.

“Got a new tattoo, wanna show you.” Her words are muffled by the roach hanging from her lips and she really looks like the girl mothers want you to stay away from.

“Is it on your  _arse_?!”

“Nah. But I should get one there.”

“Get ‘Niall’ and a little heart.” Niall winks at her and Zayn falls to the floor laughing and still trying to get her jeans off of her thighs. When she does get the off, Zayn stands back up and faces Niall.

“Ready?”

“Mhm.” And then Zayn is spinning around and –

“ _Fuck_.” Zayn smirks when she can feel Niall’s hands running across the backs of her thighs; across the red bows and black garters tattooed there. Niall’s hands are cold against the warm skin there and it’s nice, though Zayn worries they’re a bit much, even for her.

“You like ‘em?”

“Mm. Love ‘em.”

“Yeah?”

“They’re hot, Zee. Jesus.” Zayn laughs and turns back around to sit in front of Niall. She takes an actual drag of the roach this time and exhales slowly. Niall is handed the weed and she inhales deep, exhales deep.

She can feel the warmth spreading throughout her and the laziness settling in. It’s been a while and the effect is happening much sooner than she remembers _, good_.

Zayn’s brown eyes sparkle when she looks at Niall and before she can react, Zayn is sitting up on her knees and reaching for the roach.

“Gonna try something, yeah?”

“Okay.” Then Zayn is leaning forward as she takes a long drag and she cups Niall’s cheek with her free hand and presses their lips together. Niall opens her mouth and inhales the smoke and if they keep their lips close longer than necessary, well, nobody has to know.

When they part, Zayn gets all of half an inch away before Niall is giggling and then the tanned girl is giggling too. Zayn takes another drag and brings her lips to Niall’s again.

They continue like this; kisses get lazier and smiles a bit bigger. Eventually the blunt is finished and dropped into a spare ashtray while they stare at one another, no longer able to use the excuse of smoke to kiss.

—

It’s later, when Niall has a lapful of warm and sleepy Zayn with warm and sleepy lips pressed to her own that she realizes what’s happening; though the thought doesn’t stop her. Her hands slip to Zayn’s bare thighs and run along the smooth skin there, stopping to press into the tattoos there. Zayn gasps into her mouth. She rests her fingertips there and Zayn keeps kissing her.

When they separate, Zayn looks at Niall’s swollen lips and hides her face in the pale neck in front of her. Niall leans her head back against the bed and breathes in deep; she can still feel the high but it’s wearing down a bit and it’s nice.

Niall is still panting when Zayn kisses her again and they don’t really stop after that.

—

Later, when they’re lying on Zayn’s bed and almost asleep, Niall asks, “Zayn? What ‘appened you? Why’d you go all quiet?” She’s burying her face in Zayn’s neck and not really paying attention.

Zayn laughs a bit in an effort to hide the fact that no, she doesn’t want to talk about it. But she will, because this is  _Niall_. “Bad breakup and like stuff. I – yeah that doesn’t sound right. Uhm.” She sighs, “I was dating Ralph – “

“The one who moved?”

“Yeah. And like we would have sex and stuff but I never really.. enjoyed it? And so he suggested like a threesome in that he ‘could show me how much better he was’ but I didn’t want two guys and stuff and so we argued and ended up getting a chick. And when she went down on me like I liked it and that led to another argument and it got to the point where I was afraid to break up with him because he would threaten me and hit me.

So like I got really quiet and reserved and stuff and finally I ended with Liam’s help and never really came out of it I guess? It’s whatever. I’m alright now, and I like chicks?” She laughs again and Niall laughs with her before mumbling,

“’m sorry, Zee.”

“Eh. It’s alright. I’m good now.”

“Good.” And then they’re falling asleep and nothing is a problem anymore.

—

That becomes a thing too; the making out and smoking. It’s never one without the other, always smoking before kissing and always kissing after smoking. Niall wishes she could just kiss Zayn until they couldn’t breathe, never mind the weed that was always there.

—

She shows up at Harry’s house and finds him in his room, (for once, Louis isn’t there because she  _actually has things to do, you dicks)._  Niall sits herself on his dresser and waits for him to look up at her; he’s messing about on his laptop probably making some shitty hipster playlist (the bastard).

When he does look, he’s met with Niall’s shy eyes and a real smile.

“What’s gotten into you? Or is that not something I want to?” The blonde squawks and throws Harry’s brush at him.

“No! Okay. No, but like Zaaaayn. She’s my favorite now. You’re a dick.”

“Alright, alright. What about Zayn?”

“We make out sometimes,” Harry opens his mouth to speak but Niall holds a hand up, “Only when we’re high.”

“And you don’t like that.”

“Yeah.”

“You want to make out with her when you’re sober?”

“Mm. Yeah.” Niall’s eyes are a bit glazed over and it’s obvious she’s thinking about it.

“Yo, Nialler, now isn’t the time to swoon.”

“Whatever. What do I do?”

“Does she want to kiss you sober too?”

“Well I fucking hope so, dumbass.”

“Watch it. I don’t have to help you.”

“Whatever. Please Harry?” Niall is cheating and making her eyes wide and innocent, and really, not even Harry can say no to those.

“Fine, fine. If she wants to kiss you to.. Why not just kiss her?”

“Because I can’t just  _kiss_  her! Harry! That’s shit! What if she doesn’t want to kiss me sober?!”

“Niall _, I_  want to kiss you sober.”

“Yeah well you’re a straight guys who likes girls and I happen to have tits so.”

“Yeah well  _Zayn_  happens to like girls and you have tits so.”

“Asshole.”

“You love me.”

“No I don’t.” Harry sticks his tongue out at her and Niall sighs, “But really. What do I do? I kind of maybe really like her and – “ Niall makes a sad whining sound and Harry laughs a bit.

“You tell her Niall. And I don’t mean like ‘Yo, Zayn! We make out sometimes and I like that and I like you. Girlfriends?’ I mean like ‘Zayn. I kind of maybe really like you and that’s scary and  - girlfriends?’ Okay?”

“No. Not okay. What the fuck even was that?”

“That’s what you’re going to end up saying whether you like it or not. Why doesn’t she come over with that friend of hers – Liam? – one Friday and we can all hang out? Can you at least do that?”

“Yeah. I can do that.”

“Good.” Harry is walking over to Niall and kissing her forehead and then Niall is hopping off his dresser and out of his room, on her way to Zayn’s.

—

Niall doesn’t bother knocking (“Because, Niall, you’re here enough anyways, just come in.”) she just goes inside to Zayn’s room. What she finds has her backing out and quietly making her way back to Harry’s.

She gets to the side walk before she’s actually cries and of course this is happening. Again. It actually has her stopping halfway to his house, stopping to sit on the sidewalk and bury her face into her knees.

Niall doesn’t get up until her eyes are more than sore, and her bum and back ache but she only gets up long enough to get to Harry’s door before she’s sitting in the chair outside after ringing the doorbell. When Harry opens his door, he finds Niall curled up in a chair with tears staining her cheeks. He doesn’t bother with asking questions like he normally would, just picks her and brings her inside.

—

An hour later, Niall is sunken into Harry’s side, wrapped into a duvet and drinking from a cup of tea. “What happened, love?”

Niall takes a deep breath and when she talks it’s rough, like her voice hasn’t been used in days. “I went to Zayn’s, yeah?” Her breathing stutters a bit, “To ask her about some Friday and – “ Niall chokes off another sob and blinks back tears, “And she was with someone else. They – they were about to kiss. Be – because Zayn had just said ‘I got a new tattoo I wanna show you’ an – and that’s what she told me right before – “ Niall full out sobs into Harry’s chest and she can’t breathe.

Harry sighs because this happens all the time and he knows Niall is tired of being  _the other girl_  and tired of never being the only one and tired of being second; she just wants to matter. But she  _does_ , she matters to Harry and Louis and Greg but it’s not how she wants to matter.

“Ni – Niall, who was she with..?”

“Some – some other girl! Harry it was – “ before Niall can finish her phone is ringing and she reaching to answer it.

“Hello? Hi – Hi Zayn. No – No I can’t come over right now. Why? Because. I’m tired of being the other girl. Of being second, okay? Just have fun with whoever wa – was just at your house, okay? Good bye Zayn.” She hangs up before Zayn can answer and then she’s sobbing into Harry’s chest again.

Niall falls asleep there and Harry just keeps petting her hair, he turns the telly on and waits for Louis because he knows she’ll be there soon. He remembers to text her and ask her to come in quietly, and he’s thankful when she listens.

“What happened?”

“Later.” Louis nods and curls up into Harry’s other side while they wait for Niall to wake up.

When she does, Louis gets up to sit on her in an effort to make her laugh, it doesn’t work.

“We’re going out. You’re moping and we’re going out.”

“Nooo. I don’t want to go out.”

“Did I stutter?” Harry grabs at Louis to sit her down and shakes his head at her,  _don’t push it, please._ “Fine. But stop moping, you’re depressing.”

“Maybe I’m depressed then.”

“No you’re not.”

“Whatever.”

They end up doing nothing but eating ice cream and watching all the shitty movies Harry owns (he carefully stays away from romances and Niall pretends not to notice).

—

Sometime around 3am Niall realizes her phone is missing and finds it in Harry’s room, turned off. When she turns it back on there are missed texts and calls, all from Zayn. She ignores them and turns her phone back off, putting back where she found it and goes back to the couch and falls asleep on Louis.

—

At school on Monday, she finds Liam at her locker and it causes her steps to stutter.

“H – Hi Liam.”

“Hey Niall. How’re you?” She doesn’t want to lie, Liam is quite scary.

“Shit. I’m absolute shit Liam. How are you?”

“’ve been better. So has Zayn.”

“Can we not talk about her? Please?” Niall’s eyes are stinging at the mention of her name alone and she can’t talk about her; not now, not yet, not ever.

Liam can see the mist covering Niall eyes and he softens, Niall is hurting and wow, this is probably on Zayn. “Yeah. We can not talk about her. Unless you want to tell me what happened?”

“Hasn’t she already done that?”

“Won’t talk to anybody.”

“And so you fucking assumed it was my fault?!”

“No. I just thought maybe you knew what had happened and clearly you do because you’re hurting and it looks like it may be Zayn’s fault?”

“Holy fuck you’re good at reading people.”

“I try.” Niall spins around when she hears an almost familiar voice,  _the one from Zayn’s room_. She actually flinches and dives for the nearest warmth to her, which is Liam’s chest and he holds her and doesn’t ask questions, because it looks like he already knows the answers. Niall wants to cry.

Harry chooses then to go to Niall’s locker and he stops when he sees her cradled in Liam’s chest. It takes a moment for things to make sense but then he’s holding Louis wrist and running. Liam sees them coming and loosens his grip on the blonde, causing her to look up.

She runs at Harry and he just hugs her. When they part, Harry raises an eyebrow and Niall stutters out, “I – I saw her. She  _goes_  here, Harry!” Niall is actually having a panic attack in the hallway at this point because she’s determined not to cry and everybody is moving in around her, seeking to comfort her but her eyes are wide and she can’t see anything.

She’s spinning in circles, she thinks. Maybe it’s just all of the rushing people and the fact that there are so many familiar scents around her but really, she hasn’t actually had a panic attack in  _years_. It’s a hand of her wrist and a voice in her that has Niall actually breathing again.

“Yeh. That’s it. Breathe, baby girl. In and out, yeah?” She leans into the warmth of the body behind her and revels a bit in the smell that is cigarettes and weed and  _Zayn._ She lets herself be pulled out of the crowd and she can breathe.

Zayn is still whispering into her and she’s okay. Niall blinks and realizes who she’s with and she loses it. The blonde shoves Zayn’s hands away and just –

“How  _could_  you?”

“I – what?”

“God, Zayn. I really fucking liked you a lot and then I go to ask you to come meet my friends because  _I really maybe kind of fucking like you a lot_  and there’s some other girl in your room and you’re about to kiss and God damnit Zayn! I’m tired of being the other girl!”

“I – you – you saw Perrie? Niall you were never the other girl! You were always the only girl except I didn’t know that. Okay? Perrie was the girl who made me realize I liked girls and we’re really good friends and we shag sometimes but we hadn’t since I met you and we were going to on Saturday but I couldn’t. You wanna know why? Because I was thinking about you. About how you’re the only one I wanna shag. So I called you so you could come over and I could tell you that I kind of maybe liked you too.

“But you told me off and I just – I was so scared because I’d never felt like this and suddenly you’re denying me and I just didn’t know what to do with that because I didn’t know what I did wrong but now I know and now I just I’m so sorry, babe. I – I can’t even try to like explain how sorry I am and I just. I get it if you don’t want me anymore but just know I’ll always want you, okay?”

“Shit Zayn. That’s – that’s a fucking lot to take in. And I do want you, all the time in every way but I just I’m fucking  _terrified_  of not being the only one. And it’s selfish and I don’t really care because fuck, I _deserve_  to be selfish for once. And you’re that one time and just – “ Niall throws herself at Zayn and they’re kissing and the bell is ringing and everybody is having a hard time leaving but they don’t notice.

Niall thinks Zayn’s lips may taste even better when they’re not laced with weed and really, this is all she wanted.

When they part Niall looks down at her hoes before mumbling, “Girlfriends?” Zayn laughs a bit and then brings her hand up to cup Niall’s chin,

“You’re scared,” she waits for Niall’s nod of approval and continues, “I am too, but it’s okay, because we’ll work it out, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“My place? I’m out of spliff but I don’t think that’ll be a problem?”

“Mm. Not a problem.”

—

They do work it out and soon, they’re one giant group of five idiots who are so much more touchy than other friends and nobody really minds.

—

“You guys are dicks.”

“I like dicks.”

“Shut the fuck up Lou, we don’t need to hear about Harry’s cock okay?”

“Whatever, Zayn. You’re missing out.”

“Actually no I’m not, Niall here, it quite fantastic, thanks.” She holds Niall a little closer to her chest and Niall’s cheeks flush but she’s smiling and looking up at Zayn. The older girl giggles and kisses Niall’s cheek.

“You’re pretty wonderful yourself, Zee.”

“Enough! No more coupley stuff. No No.” Liam is pouting and Harry coo’s.

“Aww. Does Liam need to get laid?” He laughs as Louis yells,

“Someone get on that!” Niall groans and hides her face in Zayn’s neck, trying to drown out the sounds of her stupid friends being stupid with Zayn’s friends. Zayn laughs at her and sinks back onto the couch and yells,

“Yo. We gonna start the movie or not?!”

“Yeah, yeah.” Liam is grumbling and gets up to start the movie even he’s the only who will actually watch it because Harry and Louis will do nothing but make out and Niall and Zayn will laugh and giggle at each other the whole time.

Niall realizes then, as she looks around at all of her friends and feel the warmth of her girlfriend behind her and she’s happy. She’s actually really happy here with Zayn.

With Zayn, who draws her at ridiculous hours of the night while Niall sits in her bed and reads whatever book she can get her hands on. Zayn who is always staining their clothes and she touches Niall and her too-big sweaters and too-tight leggings as she tries to get Niall naked as quickly as possible. Zayn who got Niall to wear an actual snapback and a jersey that showed off her black lace bra (that part Zayn wasn’t happy about because everybody got to see and that just wasn’t okay) and those shorts that were much to short but everyone loved anyways.

Niall is happy with Zayn who ended up getting a four-leaf clover tattooed on her arse (instead of Niall’s name and a heart) and Zayn, who Niall thinks she kind of maybe a lot in love with (and Zayn, who kind of maybe loves her back just as much).  

**Author's Note:**

> This one is older but you know, it's whatever. Comments are love! Also bottombitchboys on Tumblr!


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